Could be a rough year

Moses is one tough cat. He has stopped eating completely now, even turning up his nose at the yogurt that he ate so well yesterday. Today's canned food is still in the dish, with about half eaten by Max after Moses just licked at it briefly. I've hardly seen him drink anything either. And yet, he still has the energy to come downstairs every once in a while and wander around a bit. Occasionally he'll lie in his favorite basket, but then he goes back upstairs to the bathroom rug.

He barely wants to be held or petted any more, but tolerates it for a minute or two. A few times I could feel his heart beating hard and fast, and I just don't know how he can find the strength to go up and down the stairs at all - even as slowly as he goes. I suspect that the heart will give out soon with his wanderings and no food to give him strength. His fat reserves are long gone and there is nothing left to him. How he manages to keep moving around is amazing to me, and yet he somehow does. I think he just wants to be near me yet, even if he doesn't want me to hold him. But today I did call Dr. Tom and left a message that I will probably be calling him early next week to set up a time to put Moses to sleep, if he doesn't die on his own before that. It's time to let go because he's just getting weaker and more fragile by the day. I can't honestly say he's not suffering any more.

Poor Max just seems lost too. He's eating far less (although his fat reserves could get him through a month or two easy!) and when Moses comes down, Max tries to follow him around and just looks so sad that Moses ignores him. He keeps going to the basket looking for Mose, but usually finds it empty so he comes back to my lap. What a cheery house I have right now!

So this may be a very tough week. I also called Mom today to see how she's doing. I guess I've become too used to her being very upbeat and saying that she continues to feel good. This time I could tell by her voice that it wasn't the case. She's now having some pain, and in her words "feels played out" all the time. It appears our longer-than-expected grace period for her cancer may be over. So far the tylenol keeps the pain fairly well under control, but I think the next time the hospice nurse comes she may be giving mom some pain meds.

On top of it all, Mom told me Dad had an overnight stay in the hospital this week. Sunday night he couldn't swallow and when it continued on Monday, Kaye took him in to see the doc. He had a blockage between his esophagus and stomach and they were able to stretch the opening to clear it, but kept him overnight to keep an eye on him. Probably doesn't help that he has only 4 teeth and can't chew his food.

This getting old crap sucks! It appears the losses will begin soon, and not sure when the end may be in sight. Sorry that this has become the "bad news blog" but hopefully soon I can write about some joys instead. I think it will help that tomorrow Linda & Steve are taking me to the Billy Joel concert - my birthday gift from December. I could sure use the distraction right now.

Looking forward

It's all Jerry's fault. He planted the seed at our text study this week. "So what are your plans for vacation this year?" None of us in the group had made any plans yet, but it did get me started thinking. The melting icicles outside my door today have added to my vacation wanderlust too. Spring is in the air - I can almost smell it.

My plan this year had been to try to sell the Beast, but circumstances with Moses have been making me rethink that plan. Although he seems to have rebounded a little today (the plain yogurt I bought for him seems to help,) I don't anticipate him being around by summer. Max is so dependent upon him and needy for attention of any kind, that I don't think I can leave him alone at home for any long-term vacation - or he'll pee in every room of the house! So he'll just have to travel with me in the Beast. He's not the best traveler compared to Moses, but he'll be ok as long as he's with me.

So today I've started thinking ahead to vacations for the year. I have so many weddings on the calendar already, I have to get some times blocked out or I'll be scrambling to fit it all in. Of course it all depends upon my parents' health, but as of now the plan is to take a couple of late April weekdays in Philly for a friend's birthday, go home in May for Mother's Day, then take a couple of weeks in late June to hit the southern states I missed on my sabbatical. I can fit in another week in early October, followed by a long weekend for my birthday in December. Since my birthday is on a Saturday this year, that's almost a given. I know I have the Sundays covered (5 off this year) but sure hope I can make the weekdays stretch out enough to fit it all in.

Nothing is set in stone at this point, but it sure helps my mood to be thinking ahead to the possibilities. Summer can't get here soon enough!

Catching up

I realized it's been a while again since I wrote so time to do some catch up. January was unusually busy with family stuff, but February has been filled with Lenten busy-ness. In the midst of additional worship services, there has been lots of Holy Week planning and new members and confirmation and baptism preparations and all that kind of craziness. Plus the weddings this year are already adding extra meetings too. I guess it's good that things stay busy, as it keeps me from getting bored or complacent - always a danger in winter's gray and cold.

On top of it all, my sweet baby Moses has been failing more and more. Last week I began to give the boys a can of Fancy Feast every day because Moses had almost stopped eating the dry food and is just skin and bones now. Petting him has become a mixed pleasure. I love having those affectionate times with him, but it's a constant reminder of his frailty as I feel every bone in his body. I have to be very careful with him now too, because he seems so fragile and occasionally the petting seems to cause him some discomfort.

This week he has also taken to sleeping almost non-stop in my upstairs bathroom. I moved his old catbed into the bathroom so he wouldn't have to sleep on just a throw rug on that hard floor, and it makes me feel much better to see him in a warm, cushy bed instead. I also moved the water bottle there so he doesn't have to go far to drink. At night he still joins me on my bed for a while before moving to his own, so we have our bonding time yet. I also come home for lunch pretty much every day now to check on him too. Today he has been more active - when he came down to eat this afternoon he actually went to bed in his old basket for a little while before moving upstairs again. And just now he came downstairs, crawled on top of me for a few minutes, went and ate a few bites and has now moved back upstairs. At least he still comes out some and can handle the stairs well yet.

Max is already being affected too. He's become more whiny if that's possible, and even my chunky boy is eating less lately. I know it's hard on him when he goes to Moses' basket only to find it empty all the time, but when Moses is gone completely it may be even tougher on him. He's almost as dependent upon Moses as he is on me. So I just give them both all the attention I can, and make sure they know they're loved.

Moses has been through a lot with me - he's lived in 4 states and moved even more times within those states, he's become a seasoned RV traveler, and he has been my companion for over 17 years. Through it all, he's been a perfect cat who has been happy and healthy, never had litter box or behavior issues, and is just a joy. So loving him on his way out is the least I can do for him.