Adjusting

I guess I never realized how much of my daily routine and everyday habits revolved around having a cat. After 18 years, it just becomes a part of life. So now I'm going to have to learn how to adjust those routines and change those habits (or not...)

Some of the things are obvious. No waking up to a cat meowing for me to carry him to the litter box. Still, this morning I automatically stopped at the door to the extra bathroom, prepared to go in and clean out the litter boxes on my way downstairs. Then I realized there was no need. Hopefully today I will find time between prep for Ash Wednesday to actually get rid of the boxes. I need to at least empty them and take them to the garage until I get a chance to clean them thoroughly and assess whether they are worth hanging onto for future cats, or if they will automatically go into the dumpster. Or maybe I'll sell them at the rummage sale my secretary and I will be doing together in May.

As I started my morning with my glass of water and daily Prilosec (yes, I'm middle-aged,) I found myself reaching for the cabinet with the bowls for Max's daily bowl of Catmilk. Nope... no need.

On to the next routine... settling into the recliner for my morning perusal of the internet: email, facebook, news sites, comics. Before settling in, I stopped at the fridge to get my two cans of Diet Dew (my equivalent to 2 cups of coffee,) which may be part of the reason for the daily Prilosec too. I always grab two so that when Max is settled on my lap I don't have to disturb him to get up for my second can. But wait, I can now get up for my 2nd can, and it will stay colder in the fridge. OK, only 1 can at a time now.

Even the time on the internet has changed. My laptop has become a true laptop again, instead of being an arm-of-the-recliner-top because Max occupies my lap top. So this is what it's like to type with my body centered instead of shifted to reach my left arm across my body to the arm-of-the-recliner-top. Hmmmmm.... what a change.

Since I'm going to work at home much of this day to get my sermon done for tonight, I plan to do some treadmill time yet this morning too. Guess I can get right onto it when I'm ready, instead of sitting with Max on the couch for 10 minutes first. That was about how long it would take to get him settled to sleep, so he wouldn't whine and cry for attention while I was treading the mill. Wow, I may get done earlier now.

Yep, the routines are changing.... from nightly getting-ready-for-bed stuff, to morning start-to-the-day habits. I guess I'll get used to it ... may even like it after a while. But today, I must say I'm glad it's cloudy out. If it was sunny, I'd really be missing the feeling of Max snoozing on my lap in the warm sun.

Max

I said good-bye to Max today.... just a few minutes ago. I am now "catless" for the first time in 18 years. You'd think it would be easier the 2nd time around. Moses was on March 2nd of last year - not quite a year ago. But Max was still tough to let go of - didn't help that he was purring in my lap while we waited for Dr. Tom to come, even as he had occasional shudders of pain. Last night too... purring through the pain. Amazing how he adjusted so well over 2 and a half years of pain to be able to purr right through it.

Max was my loving, affectionate, although needy and neurotic one. My sweet boy would tick me off to no end sometimes, especially when he peed on the carpet once in a while (rarely after Moses was gone.) But then he'd curl up on my lap and purr, or next to my face while we were going to sleep, and I couldn't help but forgive him. I don't know what it will be like not hearing that at night or early in the morning any more. I will miss him terribly. For days after Moses was gone, I could swear I saw him coming down the stairs. I wonder how long it will take for Max's ghost to disappear too.

Of course now I will be able to get new carpet finally, and new bedding since the old comforter has many stains from his bleeding eye. I can also take a nice long vacation without worrying about leaving him home. Eventually I will get a couple of new cats to work their way into my heart, but for now I will just let my heart heal as I miss both my boys.

Guess I'll go pick up the aluminum foil from the various corners where Max used to go pee....