Being

So the second month of my sabbatical comes to a close today. And I'm just now learning how to actually do this sabbatical thing. The first month I was racing through the Northeast so I could see as much as possible in what felt like limited time. I re-learned how to relax during my ten days at Emerald Isle, but still always under some self-imposed pressure to be planning, writing, producing something. My week of writing class was excellent, but again compelled in me the need to produce something (which I did.)

Today while writing my morning pages, I realized that sabbatical is not about where I've been or where I'm going. It's about where I AM. Is it any coincidence that when Moses asked God's name, God answered "I AM"? We find God where we are, not in the planning or the remembering. The only way I can find myself is in the being, not in always looking forward or keeping a foot in the past. Now we'll see if I can finish out my last few weeks with that awareness. I doubt it. Sometimes I'm a slow learner.